I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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