he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
she pinky promised me she was 18
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
