Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
