Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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