first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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