just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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