Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
