Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
