the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
