She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
