Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
