Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
