Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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