my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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