Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She needs sedatives and a leash
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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