What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
