I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
