Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
