I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
