I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
