Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
