just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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