you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
