She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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