Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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