I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
