How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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