I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
