Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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