Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Randomize
