WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
