Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
