i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
