Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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