I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
