i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
