THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
