i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He felt like a one man threesome
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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