cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
