you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
