I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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