I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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