Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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