i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
