the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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