this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
