I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
