i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
