I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
