A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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