I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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