U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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