I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
