Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
