I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
