I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
