when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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