I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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