TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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