Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I am mentally ready for anal.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
