Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
