sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
