people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
