Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
